Futarnwab is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, loving pig.

Futarnwab created the Sombrero Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futarnwab, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Futarnwab, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Futarnwab's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Futarnwab's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never mention monkeys.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Futarnwab.

5. Do not listen to music.