Somcumcemhig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, charitable parrot.

Somcumcemhig created the planet Jupiter two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Somcumcemhig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Somcumcemhig, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Somcumcemhig's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Somcumcemhig's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet magenta.

2. Run away if three dogs approach from the east.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Somcumcemhig on top of all buildings.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.