Xenvolwap is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, idiotic hedgehog.

Xenvolwap created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xenvolwap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xenvolwap, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Xenvolwap's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Xenvolwap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn gulls for they are unholy.

2. Never run near whales.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

5. Do not stand on grass.