Baftiknak Titvendob is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, loving tapir.

Baftiknak Titvendob created the Virgo Supercluster seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Baftiknak Titvendob, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Baftiknak Titvendob, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Baftiknak Titvendob's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Baftiknak Titvendob's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear red.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

4. Hide from purple monkeys for they are unholy.

5. Always take life seriously.