Xuckcumnul is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, self-confident bird.

Xuckcumnul created the Cigar Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Xuckcumnul, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Xuckcumnul, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Xuckcumnul's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Xuckcumnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Retreat if four moths approach from the west.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.