Nulqueegtun is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, dishonourable lobster.

Nulqueegtun created a quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nulqueegtun, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nulqueegtun, it will be very unhappy.

Nulqueegtun's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Nulqueegtun's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt badgers.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never paint your neck orange.

5. Do not hurt aardvarks.