Nulhatsom is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, thoughtless lizard.

Nulhatsom created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nulhatsom, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nulhatsom, she will turn you into a dog.

Nulhatsom's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Nulhatsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nebulae.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nulhatsom.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nulhatsom.

4. Nulhatsom loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Put Nulhatsom first in all things.