Onttailjig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, tiresome snake.

Onttailjig created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Onttailjig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Onttailjig, he will turn you into a worm.

Onttailjig's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Onttailjig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Retreat if eight manatees approach from the west.

3. Never paint your hands red.

4. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

5. Never eat bark.