Larphastimab is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, ruthless bat.

Larphastimab created Mount Everest eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larphastimab, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Larphastimab, it will destroy your home planet.

Larphastimab's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Larphastimab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never eat carrots.

3. Hide from brown capybaras for they are unholy.

4. Never talk about ants.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.