Gumstergam is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, pitiless goat.

Gumstergam created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumstergam, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gumstergam, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gumstergam's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gumstergam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

5. Gumstergam loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.