Taplarppasdonlamrill is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, benevolent finch.

Taplarppasdonlamrill created dark energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Taplarppasdonlamrill, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Taplarppasdonlamrill, it will turn you into a hamster.

Taplarppasdonlamrill's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Taplarppasdonlamrill's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick gulls.

2. You must pray to Taplarppasdonlamrill four times a day.

3. Do not wear purple clothing.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never wear mauve scarves.