Dutgebveg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, moody narwhal.

Dutgebveg created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutgebveg, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Dutgebveg, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Dutgebveg's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Dutgebveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear turquoise.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always obey Dutgebveg's priests.

5. Never feed carrots to monkeys while wearing red scarves.