Bastwotcenwit is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, stupid fish.

Bastwotcenwit created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastwotcenwit, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bastwotcenwit, he will turn you into a plant.

Bastwotcenwit's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Bastwotcenwit's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bastwotcenwit on top of all buildings.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Bastwotcenwit.

5. Feed all hungry pigs.