Bimlapmig is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, compassionate grasshopper.

Bimlapmig created bats two billion years ago.

If you believe in Bimlapmig, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bimlapmig, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bimlapmig's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Bimlapmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green jumpers.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Retreat if three ducks approach from the east.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.