Safbellcip Yatrenciss is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, uncaring squirrel.

Safbellcip Yatrenciss created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Safbellcip Yatrenciss, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Safbellcip Yatrenciss, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Safbellcip Yatrenciss' most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Safbellcip Yatrenciss' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate turtles.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never laugh in the presence of frogs.