Kadwikgof is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering salamander.

Kadwikgof created dark matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kadwikgof, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kadwikgof, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Kadwikgof's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Kadwikgof's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from turquoise nematodes for they are unholy.

2. Always help gulls.

3. Worship no other gods but Kadwikgof.

4. Never talk about sheep.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.