Wapbotnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, grumpy jaguar.

Wapbotnutt created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Wapbotnutt, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Wapbotnutt, he will destroy your home planet.

Wapbotnutt's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Wapbotnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

5. Pray towards the south.