Jopceport is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, temperamental shrew.

Jopceport created time and space four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jopceport, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jopceport, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Jopceport's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Jopceport's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Jopceport must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Moths are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never feed wheat to great tits while wearing green shirts.