Sigfarnomin is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, stupid raccoon.

Sigfarnomin created the Black Eye Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Sigfarnomin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Sigfarnomin, she will jump up and down on your head.

Sigfarnomin's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Sigfarnomin's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four aardvarks approach from the north.

2. Never run in the presence of eagles.

3. Do not take Sigfarnomin's name in vain.

4. Never paint your back orange.

5. Do not hurt cats.