Spagjarnfat is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, witless mole.

Spagjarnfat created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Spagjarnfat, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Spagjarnfat, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Spagjarnfat's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Spagjarnfat's Holy Commandments

1. Always help rats in need.

2. Snails are not to be trusted.

3. Always look after injured whales.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Never eat bark.