Arpgamrow is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, vain newt.

Arpgamrow created carbon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpgamrow, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Arpgamrow, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Arpgamrow's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Arpgamrow's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always help sheep in need.

3. Erect five gold sculptures of Arpgamrow on top of important buildings.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not speak about grapes.