Duncanvonmapbinfid is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, blissful goose.

Duncanvonmapbinfid created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Duncanvonmapbinfid, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Duncanvonmapbinfid, she will turn you into a plant.

Duncanvonmapbinfid's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Duncanvonmapbinfid's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry hamsters.

2. Duncanvonmapbinfid loves turtles, so they must be respected.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not eat corn.