Soglidtendan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, temperamental cow.

Soglidtendan created a bottom quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Soglidtendan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Soglidtendan, he will destroy your home planet.

Soglidtendan's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Soglidtendan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear rings.

2. Do not dye your hair fawn.

3. Worship no other gods but Soglidtendan.

4. Do not kill voles.

5. Do not skip in public.