Mitkamarm is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, egotistical squid.

Mitkamarm created humanity three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mitkamarm, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Mitkamarm, he will think nothing of it.

Mitkamarm's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Mitkamarm's Holy Commandments

1. Put Mitkamarm first in all things.

2. Never eat turnips.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never talk about fire.