Jabvegsankem Rutwonvidkim is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, egotistical weasel.

Jabvegsankem Rutwonvidkim created Europe two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabvegsankem Rutwonvidkim, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabvegsankem Rutwonvidkim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Jabvegsankem Rutwonvidkim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Jabvegsankem Rutwonvidkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

2. Do not wear blue clothing.

3. Never talk about asteroids.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Never paint your feet brown.