Bastkarcuss is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, stupid otter.

Bastkarcuss created snails eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastkarcuss, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bastkarcuss, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bastkarcuss' most sacred site is Burras in England.

Bastkarcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Run away if six capybaras approach from the south.

4. Never wear yellow tights.

5. Do not cook food in pots.