Vabtifkem is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, idiotic jackal.

Vabtifkem created a top quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabtifkem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Vabtifkem, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Vabtifkem's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Vabtifkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into indigo rooms.

2. Retreat if six ducks approach from the south.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.