Futzestziss is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, merciless dog.

Futzestziss created the world two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futzestziss, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Futzestziss, he will turn you into a rock.

Futzestziss' most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Futzestziss' Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured grasshopers.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always wear violet.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your neck.