Ruljanbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, self-assured mole.

Ruljanbeg created viruses six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ruljanbeg, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Ruljanbeg, she will throw large rocks at you.

Ruljanbeg's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Ruljanbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Never laugh near porpoises.

3. Always obey Ruljanbeg's priests.

4. Do not take Ruljanbeg's name in vain.

5. Fast once a month.