Mabgessinxen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, narcissistic seal.

Mabgessinxen created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mabgessinxen, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Mabgessinxen, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Mabgessinxen's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Mabgessinxen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never feed spinach to aardvarks while wearing yellow coats.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Mabgessinxen.

5. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.