Basstindit Jonmumtinhit is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, awesome hippopotamus.

Basstindit Jonmumtinhit created light twelve years ago.

If you believe in Basstindit Jonmumtinhit, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Basstindit Jonmumtinhit, he will manifest in front of you.

Basstindit Jonmumtinhit's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Basstindit Jonmumtinhit's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never bounce in the presence of ducks.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.