Toncutbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, self-assured unicorn.

Toncutbarn created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Toncutbarn, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Toncutbarn, she will turn you into a rock.

Toncutbarn's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Toncutbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Do not kill seals.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always help great tits in need.