Largappteenhanbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, bad-tempered hare.

Largappteenhanbarn created Europe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Largappteenhanbarn, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Largappteenhanbarn, he will turn you into a tree.

Largappteenhanbarn's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Largappteenhanbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate dogs.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Largappteenhanbarn.