Jen is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, annoying weasel.

Jen created the Milkyway four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jen, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Jen, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jen's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Jen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never feed wheat to nematodes while wearing fawn shorts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not bounce in public.