Vonkluntip is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, merciful penguin.

Vonkluntip created the Cigar Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkluntip, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkluntip, it will remove you from existence.

Vonkluntip's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Vonkluntip's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry gulls.

2. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

3. Do not eat figs.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Vonkluntip.

5. Never look at galaxies.