Mapsawzigvid is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, irritating newt.

Mapsawzigvid created light seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapsawzigvid, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Mapsawzigvid, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Mapsawzigvid's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Mapsawzigvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Always treat gulls with great respect.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.