Standabpin is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, dishonourable dolphin.

Standabpin created the Milkyway two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Standabpin, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Standabpin, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Standabpin's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Standabpin's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not eat garlic.

4. Run away if nine mites approach from the north.

5. Pray towards the west.