Jonviddav is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, overgenerous hedgehog.

Jonviddav created carbon seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonviddav, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jonviddav, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jonviddav's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Jonviddav's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Hide from cyan voles for they are unholy.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not eat rice.

5. You must love Jonviddav.