Pintardum is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, uncaring crocodile.

Pintardum created dark matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pintardum, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Pintardum, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Pintardum's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Pintardum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Pintardum must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Pintardum loves cats, so they must be respected.