Lakstipkam is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless hyena.

Lakstipkam created matter six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakstipkam, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lakstipkam, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Lakstipkam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Lakstipkam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Lakstipkam.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.