Zodkimvid is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, kind gorilla.

Zodkimvid created a photon four years ago.

If you believe in Zodkimvid, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zodkimvid, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Zodkimvid's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Zodkimvid's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Zodkimvid three times a day.

2. Do not speak about figs.

3. Always obey Zodkimvid's priests.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not trade with those who eat beans.