Jipstantit is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, witless clam.

Jipstantit created the planet Jupiter five billion years ago.

If you believe in Jipstantit, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jipstantit, she will curse you with boils.

Jipstantit's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Jipstantit's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if six squirrels approach from the east.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.