Bumpoplab is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, awesome troll.

Bumpoplab created Europe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumpoplab, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bumpoplab, it will not care.

Bumpoplab's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Bumpoplab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not kill monkeys.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.