Laghadfly is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, blissful snail.

Laghadfly created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Laghadfly, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Laghadfly, she will turn you into a tree.

Laghadfly's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Laghadfly's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Laghadfly.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. You must never eat onions.

5. Always look after injured gulls.