Bamfigxemhig is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, intelligent hedgehog.

Bamfigxemhig created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamfigxemhig, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bamfigxemhig, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Bamfigxemhig's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Bamfigxemhig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never think about black holes.