Titbethiv is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, two-faced shrew.

Titbethiv created the planet Saturn two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Titbethiv, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Titbethiv, she will turn you into a mouse.

Titbethiv's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Titbethiv's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never wear shorts.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Never laugh near tortoises.

5. Always help shrews in need.