Pinbagwan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, awesome human.

Pinbagwan created a bottom quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pinbagwan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Pinbagwan, he will turn you into a dog.

Pinbagwan's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Pinbagwan's Holy Commandments

1. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about planets.

3. Always look after injured ants.

4. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Pinbagwan on top of all buildings.

5. Always pray immersed in water.