Tunpinfon is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, awe-inspiring giraffe.

Tunpinfon created the Sun seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunpinfon, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tunpinfon, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tunpinfon's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Tunpinfon's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. You must pray to Tunpinfon five times a day.

3. Tunpinfon loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

4. Always help snails in need.

5. Never feed onions to tortoises while wearing brown trousers.