Kemstigyok Kom Podcussgud is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tranquil cow.

Kemstigyok Kom Podcussgud created Africa nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kemstigyok Kom Podcussgud, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kemstigyok Kom Podcussgud, she will torture you forever.

Kemstigyok Kom Podcussgud's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Kemstigyok Kom Podcussgud's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are not to be trusted.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. You must never eat bananas.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate rats.