Citdogbass is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unselfish penguin.

Citdogbass created the planet Jupiter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Citdogbass, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Citdogbass, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Citdogbass' most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Citdogbass' Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Citdogbass loves shrews, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away if three aardvarks approach from the east.

5. Never feed grapes to sheep while wearing turquoise stockings.